2019: Traffic Jam in my Brains

By Sara, June 2019

Unloading my luggage full of journals and notes in this bright and spacious suite in Sentosa, a resort island in Singapore, I find myself struggling to quiet my soul to start my retreat with the Lord.


Day 1: Traffic Jam in My Brains

V says: “You have a traffic jam in your brains. Because there is so much to write for the website, you got overwhelmed and escaped to your mobile phone. So now, spend the next few days offloading everything because God had prepared people who can catch them and you will be up to speed.”

I look at my notes on my phone – 

COBS writings alone: 197 notes (not to mention a host of others)

No wonder I was stressed.

Traffic jam.

How to clear?


V says: God will do it. You don’t have to. 


The room is freezing cold. I pile towels over my shoulder and legs as I sat on the desk to read and hopefully do some writing. 

Everything feels damp and wet in here. Even the floors and walls. I layer the desk with towels so that my notes and books will stay dry. It is late and my things are all laid out. I will just bear with it for the night.


Day 2: An Unexpected Breakdown

Morning. A faint smell of cigarettes hangs in the room. The air-conditioning is too cold and the air clammy, leaving me with sniffles and a stiff neck. 

I request for a room change but the not very friendly front desk staff says they are operating at full occupancy for the night. She will check again later when guests check out.

I figure I cannot do much here so I decide to take the shuttle bus out to where there are people and fresh air. 

My husband texts me from the USA. I wished I had gone to Ko Samui (in Thailand) instead. He had persuaded me to save the flying time and come to this spa hotel. 

I share with him about my traffic jam and the horrid hotel, and next thing I knew, tears started streaming down my face uncontrollably as a tsunami of stress bottled within me for months came crashing out. 

And then it is over. The traffic jam is gone. My neck still hurts so I asked the Lord to heal me, to continue to break me and to restore my walk with Him. 

Breaking is a blessing. I remember I wrote that. 

My husband texts: “Can be exciting [in coming months as we welcome our first grandchild]. You always teach me to be optimistic.” 

The tables have turned! He is usually the pessimistic one. I take his words to heart, as they are very atypical of him; so I know they must be from God. 

Yes, Lord – for the month of June, I will get back my mental and emotional health – so that I can be positive, optimistic and mentally fit and strong again.


God Uses a Cockroach

Returning to the hotel, the concierge shows me a much smaller room on a lower floor. It feels dark and heavy in here. I was a bit disheartened as I had paid for a bigger suite on the higher floor. 

He says this is the only room they have for me. I weigh both options sadly. 

Suddenly, I spot a dead cockroach on the carpeted floor! The eagle-eyed concierge sees my gaze and deftly picks it up with a tissue paper. He swiftly gets the front desk to give me another room, a brighter one on a higher floor. 

Definitely better. I settle in quickly, not wanting to waste any more time. 


The Flow

My spirit started to flow. I draw up a writing schedule, without rush, without stress, and breeze through all my notes, typing my scripts so very easily when it has been so difficult. 

V says: “Your writing shall flow like a river… as you are now in sync with the Lord, walking step by step with Jesus” 



Day 3: Writing on the Mirror

This new room is not as cold but the air is a bit stale. Something is not right with this room either. I can smell it. I open up the balcony door to let it some fresh air. 

The huge, decorative mirror above the sofa where I was working at immediately fogs up. And slowly they appear, spooky looking handwritten words on the mirror… I cannot quite make it out… but one of them looks like a woman’s name.




I am tired of changing rooms and want to continue to work when I have the flow going. I decide to just ignore it.


Bedtime Protection: The 111

Ready to hop into bed after a good few hours of writing, followed by a massage and a healthy dinner at the spa, I whisper a prayer to the Lord to give me a good night’s sleep. 

I am checking out the next day and am only left with the morning to write, so I do not fancy having any unwelcome disturbance.

As I lay my dreamy head on the soft luscious pillow, I saw my 111 (Link to 2019: 1111 becomes 111) appear – one on each side of my head, and 1 on top. 

I slept beautifully that night – with God as my Refuge, My Strength and My Fortress – guarding over my head


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